How Divorce Changes A Man?

A man in a leather jacket standing in front of a street light

Divorce is a turning point in anyone’s life and impacts your day-to-day as well from routines to social circles and hobbies. The impact divorce has on men is less talked about because men are told that showing emotions is a sign of weakness or unmanliness, which we all know is completely false. Expressing what you’re feeling is a way to release emotions and give a perspective to what you’re feeling and why. 

At the same time, it is a period filled with introspection, where thoughts often wander to what went wrong and all the ways you could have done things differently. Above all, remember that this is your chance to reshape your identity, find a new approach to life, and learn from your mistakes. 

Emotional Feelings or Changes You’ll Go Through

Initially, you will experience feelings of loss, failure, and loneliness, which will make you question your self-esteem and sense of identity. Men might grapple with anxiety over the future. You may feel depressed from the loss of a shared dream, and if the marriage was particularly tumultuous you will feel relief. 

Feeling lost because of social expectations 

Society puts an unnecessary expectation on men to remain stoic, not grieve, or seek support from friends, family, and professionals. Know that feeling vulnerable is not a sign of weakness but a part of the human experience. If you feel like this support will help you feel better, seek it out. Talk to your closest friend or if talking about emotions is difficult, ask them out for an activity. 

If your ex-spouse took over socializing responsibilities when you were together, it would feel even more isolating. Get out there and make friends. There are many hang out groups based on interests.

Lastly, learn how to deal with the blame game. It could be that the marriage fell apart because of you but thinking about it all the time will not help you. While some couples do remarry after divorce, the statistics are so low that there hasn’t been any study. Don’t make yourself better with the hopes of remarrying but become a better person for yourself and your future partners.

Legal Changes 

Divorce brings about significant legal changes, notably in areas like child custody and support. Child custody and support and spousal support are two areas you’ll see the biggest change. Child support amounts depend on your income, the number of days a month you have the kids, and their needs. If parents want to enroll kids for extracurricular activities, both must agree, and the cost is split equally. 

The goal is to offer them the same lifestyle when both parents were together. On the other hand, spousal support is calculated on your income and financial and career sacrifices the other parent undertook for raising a family. 

Emotionally speaking, the reality of scheduled visits or shared custody gets to you. You are limited on the frequency of interactions and staying apart will take a toll until you fall into a routine. 

Financial changes 

Financially, obligations such as child support and alimony can necessitate a reevaluation of spending habits and lifestyle. It may mean downsizing, re-budgeting, and finding ways to be more financially prudent. The key is to approach these changes with a mindset of adaptation and resilience, focusing on long-term stability and the well-being of any children involved.

With child support and spousal support payments, you will need to reevaluate your spending habits and lifestyle. It may mean downsizing, re-budgeting, and finding a part-time job or extra hours at work to meet financial needs. 

A person sitting on a bed in the dark with a lamp

How to overcome the emotions of a divorce? 

Healing from divorce is a deeply personal journey that varies from one person to another. However, we’ve listed a few ways you can make lifestyle changes to overcome them: 

1. Prioritize self-care 

This includes physical health, mental well-being, and emotional support. Find a strenuous exercise or hobby to keep you fit. Then find a couple self-care hobbies like reading, painting, or ax throwing that can reignite a sense of purpose and joy.

2. Build a support network 

In this network you can include friends, family, divorce support groups, or professional counselors. These connections go beyond emotional support and offer practical advice and new perspectives so you look at life differently. 

3. Focus on personal growth 

Attend industry events, volunteer at your local animal shelter or food bank, and find new personal goals to achieve. It could be losing weight or changing your wardrobe that you always wanted to. You can learn a new craft like woodworking, furniture making, or welding. The end of a marriage, while painful, can also be the beginning of a new chapter filled with possibilities.

FAQ Section

1. How long does it take a man to get over a divorce?

The way a man heals from divorce varies. Many factors play a role including length of the marriage, circumstances of the divorce, and role your partner played in your life. Some men may start feeling better in a few months, while others might take years to fully recover. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and show self-compassion. 

2. Who hurts most from the divorce?

Divorce can be equally devastating for both men and women, but the way they process and express their pain can differ. Men might not always show their emotions openly due to societal expectations, which can cause misconception about how it has affected them.  

3. Does the pain of divorce ever go away?

Yes, the pain of divorce does go away over time. Healing is a gradual process, and while the memory of the divorce and its consequences might never completely vanish, you will eventually think less and less about it and start living in the present. Surround yourself with good people, engage in self-care, and focus on personal growth. 

4. Do men get lonely after divorce?

Many men experience loneliness after divorce, especially if they live alone or have limited custody of their children. This loneliness expands by the loss of shared social circles or the challenge of forming new relationships. Acknowledge this loneliness and actively seek out social connections. 

5. Do men fall in love after divorce?

Absolutely, men can and do fall in love after divorce. While the idea of opening up again might seem daunting at first, many find that with time, they are ready to explore new relationships. Love after divorce might come with its own set of challenges, but it also offers a chance for growth and newfound happiness.

Sterling Law blog offers support and guidance on all questions related to divorce and separation. If you are seeking family law guidance in Ontario, please reach out to us for a free consultation.

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